Write your Eulogy

On Friday night a friend of mine asked me to take him to LA to pick up an item that he has recently purchased. Usually, I would have told him no because the truth is that I despise driving in California however, my friend was not feeling well and I felt that the least I could do was be his chauffer to insure that he gets to his destinations safely. Those of you who have driven with me know that I do not have a light foot. However, I have been trying to stay within the speed limit to insure that I do not get a speeding ticket that I would not be able to pay for. So as the story goes we were traveling in the carpool lane at approximately 85 miles an hour then I start swerving, my friend inquires if I was ok when I realize that my contacts are irritating me and causing my visions to be affected.

I am currently wearing Night and Day contacts which are the best contacts ever invented because you can sleep in them, the only challenge is that I have been sleeping in them for about two months without taking them out. Anyway, I swiftly exited the carpool lane because I could not see the divider and felt as if any minute I would crash into it. As soon as I exited the lane a Jeep zooms past me in the car pool lane the attempts to exit the lane, across the double yellow lines, not realizing that there was a van on his side. The Jeep driver was a half inch away from hitting the van when he realized what was happening he then swerved back into the carpool lane. However, he overcompensated and the side of his jeep began dragging across the divider, sparks were flying everywhere. Then to my surprise the Jeep flew about eight feet straight up into the air, flipped four times before landing face down on the hood. Pieces of the Jeep were flying in every direction.

All I could do was compress my indicator to move into the right lane to insure that we did not get hit my any of the debris. My traveling companion calmly instructed me to keep driving as stopping with be dangerous. He telephoned the police all the while asking me if I was ok, I continued to reply yes, however, the truth was that I was far from ok. I wanted to pull over the car and cry, I wanted to cry for the people that were in that Jeep, for their friends and family, I wanted to cry for all of the hurtful things they said an now would never be able to take back, I wanted to cry for the birthdays and Christmas’s that would be had without them. I wanted to cry for the births that they would not witness, for the children that might have been the car that would never have their first kiss, that would never be told by the one that they loved “I love you too,” I wanted to cry for the kid in their class that had a crush on them that did not have the guts to tell them and now never would be able to, but most importantly I wanted to cry for me.

I wanted to cry for all of the things that I have done that I have never forgiven myself for, I wanted to cry because although I am not worthy God has speared my life once again, I wanted to cry for all of the second chances I have received and did not deserve, I wanted to cry because I can still tell my loved ones that I love them, I wanted to cry!

I was able to be a big girl and keep it in, I was able to continue to drive through all of my emotions and thoughts because I know my companion was not well enough to but would if I needed him to because that is the kind of man he is. We talked on the way to our destination and realized that if I had not switched lanes when I did that Jeep would have landed on us. We talked about if his other friend would have taken him that would have stayed in the carpool lane and might not bee here right now. We thanked God for his mercies and contemplated all of the “what ifs.” The truth is you can not anticipate what will happen to you in the next day, minute, or even the next second, you have to make a decision now about your life and how you are going to live it, what is important to you, what you want your legacy to be.

All week I have been thinking about this accident and thinking of the different possibilities of who was in the Jeep. I have been thinking about life and love and the things that we take for granted. I have been thinking about my eulogy and what the people who knew me would say about me when I die. I want great things to be written in my eulogy, I want my funeral to be a celebration of a life well lived, a life that touched and inspired everyone I came in contact with. The truth is I have to do more than want a great eulogy I have to write it, I have to write it with my actions and the way I love people, I have to write in the way I give to others and smile, I have to write it as I live my everyday life.

Life is so short and can end in unexpected ways at unexpected times so we need to learn how not to sweat the small stuff, we need to let some things go, we need to live without fear and tell the people we love that we love them, we need to also show them that we love them in the way they understand. We need to show love to the people we come in contact with on a daily basis, on our jobs, in the store, in the street, in our homes. The truth is when you die you will leave an impression on the lives that you have come in contact with; the type of impression is up to you! Live your life to positively affect the people that you come in contact with, write the eulogy that will touch the lives of others long after you have gone!

Rediscovering Kanita one month in

So it has officially been one month since I embarked on my personal journey. The truth is that I did not realize it until my brother called me to see how I was coming (and to yell at me for all of the excuses I was making). It is also true that I was not going to write anything tonight because I am busy but I have decided to stop making excuses.

After I got of the phone with Shawn I began to comtemplate my journey and the reasons for it, and the reasons that I choose to tag(invite) certain people along with me on my journey. The truth is I choose the individuals carefully, individuals who I have a close relationship with, individuals who I know will help me be the best me possible. Unfortunettly I have been dissapointed with people throughout this journey, some people I have not heard from or spoken to since beginning this journey and that is very saddening. I then had to refocuse my thoughts and realize that my life is about me, if people choose to be a part of it our accompany me on my journey then thats great however, if they choose to leave me by the wayside then I have to be ok with that as well.

I had begun to think that my journey was a waste but I know see that it has taught me a great deal, I have become a stronger person and learned to rely on myself. I have learned to make decisions that make me happy reguardless of those around me, because the truth is those around me have not been thinking about me for a long time. This journey has taught me to be ok with that, it has taught me to be ok the the phone calls that are not returned, the text message and face book relationships, with the friends who are friends when they need something and not just because they want to be friends. I know that it is very easy to become self centered, it is easy for people to be so preoccupied with their lives and their situations that they forget about the people in their lives, the only difference now is that it does not bother me, I have come to grips with it and accept it for what it is. This journey has taught me not to take the selfishness personally becuase in this aspect of life people are just not as evolved as I am.

My journey is not over, I have a long way to go. I have been working on some goals but I have also been making a good amount of excuses. Thank you Shawn for shutting me down when I try to explain my failure, that for caring enough to check in on me. Thank you Jojo for trying to keep me in church even when I did not want to go. Thank you Juile on giving me feedback and encourgement to keep pressing on.

My journey is not over but I am workign on it!

Warring in my members

“So life is hard and no one understands why For the Lord, thy God, knows the path we must take as He carefully orchestrates us like the maestro of a symphony, and it is up to us which instrument we play- eternal life or damnatation.”
So I finished the book (Warring in my members ) that I was working on this weekend, it is a very short and simple book but it was also very deep and profound! This book cause me to think, made me want to cry, and reminded me that I am not the only one struggling with something.

The truth is there is a war going on in all of us! Well I defiantly know that I do, the me that I want to be is constantly in battle with the me that I am. I truly think that it is quite difficult being Christian at times because I don’t believe that it is natural. What comes naturally to us I believe are the things that Christianity frowns upon, the things that are instinctive. I believe that sexuality is natural; the need to be loved and belong is natural. Well maybe I am being to hard on Christianity because the truth is that it is not against things that are unnatural it is just all about timing, and I have a huge problem with timing!

Anyway, this book dealt with the wars that go on in the personal lives of three Christian young women. The secrets that they carry that they are not even able to disclose to their nearest and dearest friend because the truth is no matter how much they say they don’t your friends judge you and you judge the (just a lil). It reminded me that this walk is a personal one and no matter what relationships we have the decisions that we make are all about us. So at the end of the day even though we feel bad about some of the decisions we make, we still need to make a decision. When it is all over where do we want to end up?

Rediscovery Update

Happy Thanksgiving everyone I just wanted to take time out on this day of thanks to thank God for continuing his work in me. I also wanted to touch basis with you all and tell you about my progress on my goals as the years is almost over.

I am currently reading 3 books (any normal person would read one at a time but hey what can I say I am not nor never have been normal)

Soooo I have been taking LOTS of pictures…I did a pregnant photo shoot with my beautiful friend Jojo. We had soooo much fun, although it was a great deal of work….(the real work is actually developing the film UGH)

I missed one week of Church and might have missed last week because I got there right before they were about to say the benediction. However, I was tricked into going to a Sabbath dinner when I met lots of great people and had many jokes (alone with lusting after a married grandfather lol)

I have been slacking on running because my schedule has recently changed but I will be getting back in the swing of things very soon!

I have not been going on expensive dates with myself because I am broke but I have been taking walks and just taking time to listen to myself and enjoy me time alone.

You all can see how I have been doing with writing more….I actually did write a poem but I need to get the balls to actually share that with the world

I am in the process of getting tickets for a musical and a play that I want to see

And last but not least….dealing with Ronald, Rudy and Jojo on a daily basis I laugh until I almost pee myself! Thank you guys I love you :D

I am a running failure

So real quick, about goal five and finishing 3 miles 4 times a week. UGH!!! I have been failing! There is no reason for my failure except for the fact that I don't feel like. It is annoying also becuase I can see my weight increasing and I can feel myself getting slugish... I am gonna be motivated the remainder of this week! I am going to finish my 3 miles and I have exactly 4 days left in the week. Wish me luck!

Out of the mouth of Babes

So I did not spend this Sunday out of my house culturing myself however, I did attend a soccer game. This was a not an ordinary soccer game but a game of my favorite 4 year old!!! Hummmm what can I say about it???? I was able to take about 5 pictures before he came running off the field (in the middle of the game mind you) crying. Of course I was very confused but according to him "Aunty Kanita's camera is making me nervous" *Sigh* so no more pictures of the game and about 30 mins of a temper tantrum...

So we are in the car after he finally calms down, we are driving past an area that looked familiar to him and he said "Mommy, isnt that where (some random person) dived into the water?" To which his mother replied "Not honey, she didn't dive that's where she was baptized, she was baptized why honey? Because she gave what?" And the brilliant 4 year old answered "Because she gave her life to Jesus." But here is the zingger! Here is what really got me..... I then asked him "Are you going to give you life to Jesus?" His answer to that question was one of the most deep and profound questions I have ever been asked, he responded "NO, ARE YOU?"

Wow, what a great question! Am I? When am I really going to give my life to Jesus and stop playing and pretending Christianity? When am I going to stop acting like or saying that Jesus is Lord of my life and not everything else that I put before him in my life...

Who would have though that my day at the soccer field would be a deep and spiritual one? I guess it was rightly said Out of the mouths of babes.

NO MORE EXCUSSES

Wow, wow, wow, as I sit here and write I am filled with an abundance of emotions. I sit and stare at my television in awe! In a time were black people were reduced to “colored only” section still roam the earth. When individuals who marched with Martin and stood with Malcolm and remember a time when crosses were burnt in the front porch are breathing the same air as I, we have a BLACK PRESEDENT!

On man, this means so much, as I write with tears in my eyes I remember my parents telling me “Kanita you can be what ever you want to be as long as you set your mind to it.” They also told me “Kanita you have two things against you in this world, you are a woman and you are black, you must ALWAYS work harder then the next person to achieve your goals.” I remember listening to my parents, I heard and I understood but I honestly did not believe. I knew that I lived in a land or racism and some privileges would not be extended to me because unfortunately I was born with two strikes I am a WOMAN and I am BLACK.

As I sit in MY living room a 27 year old with a masters degree, as I process the events that have just taken place I can only think of one thing. While there are so many conclusions and feelings to be derived from this historic event, one that I NEVER thought I would be alive to see, the one I want to verbalize and express is NO MORE EXCUSSES!!!!

I can no longer make excuses for my failures; YOU can no longer make excuses for your failures! Who cares that you are black? It does not matter that some people hate you because of the color of your skin or because of your sex. What matters is that you PUT IN THE WORK! Nothing worth getting in this world will come easy, everything MUST be worked for and we are no longer about to pull the race card. Tear it up! Burn it! Do what ever you need to do but DO SOMETHING because we can! PRESIDENT OBAMA has proven that it us! Yes WE can! WE CAN!!! WE CAN DO IT ALL! WE CAN DO ANYTHING WE SET OUT MINDS TO!

I did not think that day would happen in my lifetime but what I have learned on November 4, 2008 that I will share with everyone I know is that we have NO MORE EXCUSSES!

Día de los Muertos (The Day of the Dead)

So in the attempts to culture myself (Goal #3) I decided to attend a Dia de los Muertos event that my local photography held. On my way to this event I was on the telephone with my father who QUICKLY verbalized that I should turn my car around and stay away from “that devilish place because they don’t believe in God” For those of you who are not familiar with that holiday (as I wasn’t) here is a quick background.

Dia de los Muertos in is a holiday celebrated mainly in Mexico and by people of Mexican heritage living in the US and Canada. The holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember friends and relatives who have died. The celebration occurs on the 2nd of November. Traditions include building private altars honoring the deceased, using sugar skulls, marigolds, and the favorite foods and beverages of the departed, and visiting graves with these as gifts.

The Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico can be traced back to the indigenous peoples such as the Olmec, Zapotec, Mixtec, Mexican, Aztec, Maya, P'urhépecha, and Totonac. Rituals celebrating the deaths of ancestors have been observed by these civilizations perhaps for as long as 2500–3000 years. In the pre-Hispanic era, it was common to keep skulls as trophies and display them during the rituals to symbolize death and rebirth.

I decided to attend this event because I honestly thought that it would provide me the opportunity to take some great pictures for my final in my photography class, however, I gained a lot more. This year has been a year of great loose for me, it seemed as if every time I turned around someone else died. GAAAAAA why? Why does everyone have to die at the same time? WHY do I live and California and have not been able to say goodbye to those whom I have loved and lost over in the East Coast?

This adventure provided me the opportunity to think of those whom I have lost, the good times we had, as come to point of peace with every loss in my life!
It was very interesting to see the mothers, father, and children with their faces panted and actually talking about their deceased loved ones. WOW that is something that my family does not do ☹ once your dead you are dead, one will be hard pressed to hear the individuals name mentioned again. I don’t like that, I am a talker a sentimental individual I need to verbalize in order to process, I need to talk to keep from forgetting!

Dia de los Muertos was a great experience for me, it reminded me that it is ok to be me, it is ok for me to speak the names of those I have loved and lost and that there are others like me! Don’t get me wrong it was a lil freaky with all the skulls, it being dark and me being alone but it taught me that I have to celebrate life and death how I need to and not how my parents, families or friends think I should.

Sometimes it is so easy to live your life based on the way you were raised or because of the influences of those people surrounding you, however I am ME, I think like ME, I feel like ME and I act like ME! It is ok for ME to be Me and you to be you and for us to still love each other!

Rediscovering Kanita

So I woke up this morning and realized that I was alone, no I am not lonely (not really anyway) I am just alone! The only person that I can really rely on and count on in this life is myself (and God of course). So with this new found knowledge I started to think “what now?” Do I try to find people to surround myself with so that I am no longer alone? I really don’t think that is the answer, I think that answer is to optimize my aloneness and really, truly find happiness internally.

So recently (and currently) a classmate from undergrad (who I JUST realized has a lot in common with me) has embarked on a journey, I have begun thinking to myself “that sounds great! I need to go on a life Journey; I need to be comfortable in my OWN skin regardless of who is around.” I have been telling myself for a while that I need to work on my life goals and work on me. So why now you ask? Why in this Way? WELL…. First of all I was truly inspired by this classmate who has made her journey public, (while very nerve racking) it gives you accountability, you have the WHOLE facebook community to answer to. My second reason for choosing now is my pseudo relationship; I won’t give you all of the information but I am currently in a pseudo relationship (and have been for 6mts) with a man who was confessed with his mouth that he is in love with me. Hummmmmmmmm I say “confessed with his mouth” because his actions have not (recently anyway) backed up those three words that he loves to tell me. The sad part is I find myself making excuses for why his MO has changed since he declared his undying love for me; the truth is that it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I continue to subject myself to secondary treatment, I am (and have never been) a secondary person.

For the past year my mother has continued to tell me “you used to be amazing, extraordinary, now you are just common.” WOW!!!!!!!! Every time she says that to me my heart breaks, I get angry at her, I think that she is being rude and say “well you just don’t know me anymore, you think you do but you don’t.” However, the truth is I don’t know me anymore! I have become this person who settles….YIKES, who does that? The Kanita who my mom remembers isn’t the Kanita who I like to think I am, but my actions are totally saying something different! My actions are screaming “I don’t deserve the best so you don’t have to give it to me” and that is the total OPPISITE of true!!! I am awesome, wonderful, smart, funny, intelligent, kind, loving, giving, (well you get the point) so why am allowing this “pseudo” this “situation” to treat me like I need him? Like I don’t deserve the royal treatment that he once bestowed on me (Don’t get me wrong I TRULY care about this individual or I would not have been talking to him for 6mts…YIKES…it has been 6mts, he has a good part of my heart, but the challenge is he does not realize that he is not treating my heart as well as it deserves to be).

But I digress, this is not about him (for confidentiality we will just call him pseudo from now on LOL) It is not about my mother, it is about ME and my mind set, about what I feel like I am worth. I know my worth however, I am acting like someone who is “desperate for love” and NOTHING is further from the truth!

So to come up with my goals to bring me back to this wonderful person who my mother keeps telling me about…hummmmmmm ( Julie this is a lot harder then I thought, I think I will steal some of yours since we are soul mates anyway :D)
Ok friends so I am on this Journey to rediscover the Kanita that my mom longs for and I am asking you all to be my accountability partners, I am asking you all because I know you love me and I know you want the best for me!

This is what I will be working on from now until the end of the year…

1) Read 4 books
2) Date myself once a week
3) Spend Sunday’s out of the house culturing myself / taking pictures
4) Go to church every week unless I am sick (I might need you all to help me with this)
5) Finish 3 miles at least 4 times a week
6) Start writing again
7) Laugh everyday
8) Attend at least 2 plays

No on Prop 4

So while this note is not a controversial (in my opinion) on my note on homosexual marriage it is still one that I am VERY interested in and VERY much opposed to!!!! Let me give you a little background….

Proposition 4, or the Abortion Waiting Period and Parental Notification Initiative, also known to its supporters as Sarah's Law proposes a new amendment to the California Constitution.[1],[2],[3]

The initiative would prohibit abortion for unemancipated minors until 48 hours after physician notifies minor’s parent, legal guardian or, if parental abuse has been reported, an alternative adult family member.

Specific provisions
The proposed initiative, if enacted as a constitutional amendment, would:
Provides exceptions for medical emergency or parental waiver.
Permits courts to waive notice based on clear and convincing evidence of minor’s maturity or best interests.
Mandates reporting requirements, including reports from physicians regarding abortions on minors.
Authorizes monetary damages against physicians for violation.
Requires minor’s consent to abortion, with exceptions.
Permits judicial relief if minor’s consent is coerced.

OK… so here is my problem with this Prop, I am a social worker and am VERY aware there are a NUMBER of parents who are extremely abusive to their children but mentally, emotionally, and physically. This prop is asking children to approach a parent who in some cases might (for lack of a better phrase) beat the snot out of the child and maybe even kick them out of the home.

How does free choice come into play if a child is MANDATED to inform their parents? What I see is children getting together after school or even cutting school to perform abortions on each other or to push each other down the stairs (I know most women told their girlfriends if they get pregnant they will shove them down the stairs, or maybe that was just my friends).

I do not believe that this is the fate that ANY one wants for our children, if ANYTHING why not offer a psychological evaluation to the children prior to having an abortion? It is unfortunate that this child Sarah passed away following a botched abortion but I do not believe that is reason enough to place children in harms way from there parental units.

Prop 4 does state that the child would be able to inform an alternate relative if parental abuse is REPORTED but lets be real, how many children to we think are abused on a day to day basis? I KNOW that we can not possibly think that all of the instances of abuse are REPORTED I believe that voting yes on prop 4 is voting yes on murder because that is was will occur if some children must inform their parents of an unplanned, unexpected pregnancy.

P.S. if you can get you hands on it I would watch the old movie “If these walls could talk” it speaks about abortion throughout the years and I believe will go back to “rusty knives and folding tables” (if any of you are fans of Dirty Dancing) if we as a nation become Pro- Life. Because the truth is that Pro-Life is actually the removal of personal CHOICE!!!! When will we stop trying to make people have our values? What will it take?

No on Prop 8

know many of you will not agree with me, let me know what you thing AND I did not proof read so read through the errors! LOL

So as I was sitting in my house this evening watching Oprah I received a phone call from a number that was not saved in my phone book. Usually I do not answer numbers unknown to me however; since my phone was not working recently I assumed it was a friend of mine who I was not able to get their contact information yet. To my surprise it was no one that I knew but a woman calling asking me about Prop 8 (homosexual marriage).
She was very professional and identified herself then asked me if I was familiar with the prop. I indicated that I was and she stated “so will you be voting yes on prop 8?” (Voting yes means that I am in favor of as she put it “maintaining traditional marriage”) I kindly informed the lady that I actually have put a lot of though in it and I will be voting NO on prop 8. I informed the lady that although I am a Christian and I believe in God’s ideal of relationships that we have already strayed so far from what that is. I informed her that although I have my beliefs I do not think it is right for laws to be put in effect because I have a certain belief, individuals who are in love should be able to shout it from the mountain top they should be able to reap all of the rights and benefits that come with being in a committed relationship.

The lady then informed me that “voting NO will have some serious repercussions on the US” I asked her to elaborate on what those repercussions would be. She stated “many Catholic Charities have already closed in Mass because homosexual couples are trying to adopt children.” Now I know you know that was the worst thing she could have told me but unfortunately for her she didn’t know she should have come up with another argument. I asked her to explain how denying a child, born from a heterosexual union (married or not), who was abused, abandoned, or neglected a loving home is Christian? I then informed her that I am a social worker and the amount of abuse that I have seen in heterosexual homes I would GLADLY drive these children to homosexual couples who I knew would love them. And the audacity of the Catholic Charities to close their doors with their priest molesting children that is just wrong, are they really in it to provide for the children?

The lady then took a different approach and asked “what will they teach our children in schools?” and I asked her “what will you teach your children at home? I know what I will teach mine.” I then went on to ask her if she was aware that in the 1850’s their were laws that prevented African-Americans and inter-racial couples from marrying and it was only after the civil war that African Americans were granted that right and even worse only in 1967, mixed-race couples were permitted to marry. I stated to this woman that Christianity is not making those who are different from us feel inadequate or like they are not worth anything.

Yes you call sin by its name however, EVERYONE in the US is NOT Christian and do not share our beliefs is it right to force ours on them? Jesus didn’t! And is it even fair for us to have this conversation when heterosexual Christian couples are getting married and divorced at alarming rates?

What are we really trying to preserve? Marriage as it is in the US to me is a joke, with Vegas and their drive thru weddings, or individuals who have been married 4 times, what is the TRADITIONAL marriage anyway? To me it is the deceleration of love between two people, who are vowing to stay together for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health. And statistics show that homosexual couples remain together longer then heterosexual couples. So maybe we have a thing or two to learn from them.

Just words??? Of course not!

The We Are The Ones Song
by will.i.am


people say Obama’s words are just words...
but...
when was the last time "words" weren’t important...???...

when was the last time a great leader didn’t use words to lead...??...
when was the last time a person didn’t use words to describe how they felt...?...
when was the last time "words" weren’t empowering...?...

and we can all recall the last time "words" were used to divide us and install fear...

Bush used words to fear us into voting for him the second time around...
terror this...
terror that...
nuclear here...
weapons of mass destruction there...

and those words effected a lot of people’s choices...

"enough is enough"...
let’s rebuild...

let’s change ourselves...
let’s allow positivity to guide us...

let's take action....
let’s activate our passion...
we are Americans....

and this is the first time in forever that someone running for president represents "US"...

some say this is all excitement...
I call it “proud to be an American”...

some say this whole Obama movement is "cult like"...
well...
if it comes across cult like...
then...
the cult is called America...

the Obama movement is connecting America.
and it has made "US" realize our importance...
the youth is excited and activated...
adults are passionate and motivated...
the elderly are proud to know the country they built is in safe hands...

we are one...

for too long politics has been corrupt...
separate from the American people...
with agendas that go against what the American people "need"...
education...
health...
safety...
jobs
etc...

politicians have spoken a different language...
making it so the youth and poor people feel as if voting was only for the wealthy and old people...
making "US" feel as if "we" had no voice...
making "US" feel powerless...
making it feel like if "we" did vote it wouldn’t change anything...

but wait...
that did happen...
some of us voted, and it didn’t change anything...

we were in the dark...
we had no voice...
we were powerless...

because America was not a united America...
and "they" spoke a different language...
and they had an agenda different from our well being...

correct me if I’m wrong... or speak up if I’m missing something...

we want education, health, safety, and good jobs...right???...
oh yeah...
and "a healthy planet to live on"...

but here we are...

in a war... poor education... poor health programs... the dollar is down... the planet, polluted...
the rich, richer... and the poor, struggling...
with sky high gas prices to top it all off...

and now even the rich aren't really rich internationally because our dollar is has fallen so far down...

in our slumber... a very small few got really rich...

because when you’re sleeping...

"it’s hard to change agendas"...

we know what happened in 2000 and 2004...
but in 2008...
it’s different...

we are awake...
and there is a movement...

and "it’s hard to change a movement"...

last time "we" didn’t have a movement...
America wasn’t united...

and now "United and "Standing"...for something...
we know the power of "US"...
and we have a person who represents the "U.S."...

"US"…

"we are the ones we’ve been waiting for"...

I’m proud to be an American...

will.i.am

Women beware

I don’t even know where to begin; I saw this video and was devastated, mortified, horrified, terrified, and saddened all in one! This mad mans “mission” invokes a number of different emotions from me! (watch it then read on)


First off I am saddened for the young girls who learn to be women by watching the television, listening to rap music and watching rap videos. Honestly, it is not entirely their fault that they are promiscuous or as my mother used to say “desperate for love.” In many instances they are “raised” by single mothers who are too busy working two and three minimum wage paying jobs that barely take care of the bills to parent their children. As a result these girls are left to their own devices and are given the responsibility to raise themselves and learn on their own how to be “women.” The sad thing is that for Black and Latino women what the media teachings about being a woman are limited to the beautiful, glamorous, rich looking females on the rap videos. These females who are idolized have been reduced to sex objects so of course these young girls think that to be a woman and to be loved means to lie on their back and open their legs. Shame!

Second I am saddened for the women who have been emotionally injured by men. Many of these women have been hurt so bad that all they want to do is “not feel” or “date like a man.” The down fall to this is dating like a man comes with consequences (obviously based on this video), maybe a few years ago it was ok to meet a guy in a club and “hook up” but in this day and age a one nigh stand could mark the beginning of the end of your life. I don’t know how true it is but I was told about this new strain of the AIDS virus that some are calling “Super AIDS” apparently it is eating through condoms! So it is not even about using protection anymore it is about being extremely selective with your partners! EXTREAMLY!

Thirdly (which I will also make last although I have a lot more to say) I am afraid for the women in the category which I fall under. The women who have been trying hard to wait for someone who is worthy but is getting tired, the woman who fully understands all of the dangers out their but are constantly faced with the men in need of instant gratification. I am afraid for us because it is only a matter of time before our human weakness gets the better of us! I must say that it would be a TRAGIDY the if in a moment of weakness we came in contact with the MURDER in the video above! As a woman that falls into this category of EXTREAMLY SELECTIVE women I must say that it has been my experience that most men want sex and them want it NOW! That would be ok IF there was not the possibility that they slept with one of the women whose name was just called. We must remember that although the man in the above video is CRAZY and we are careful to stay away from men like him who have the men that we are interested in slept with? And who have they slept with? It is enough to see paperwork anymore? Is it necessary for us not to have joint blood test prior to consummating any relationship?

I must say I am AFRAID deathly AFRAID! I mean yes sex is good but it is in now way shape or form good enough for me to loose my life over. All I have to say to the women who slept with ol’dude in the video… that better have been the best sex of your life! He better have eaten it every which way from here to Canada, AND you had better have busted at least 6 nuts! But I know you didn’t he was probably wack and lasted only 10 minutes. (the ones we regret are usually the ones who can’t work it)

i spy

I spy with my little eye…

It’s dark

It’s empty.

Is it your soul?

Correct

Feelings......nothing more than feelings

It never ceases to amaze me how certain people don’t understand how their words affect people. If you care about people isn’t it nice for you to actually care about their feelings? (Especially when they are supposedly a “close” friend) I am not sure if it is because I work in the therapy field or if because I was raised by parents who were not afraid to be open with their feelings.

I kind of just want to know what is so scary about embracing your feelings. Do people really need to protect themselves to the point where they are actually hurting other, making them feel like cow dung? I know that being open, 100% honest it not the easiest but it is not the hardest thing either, it will not be the end of the world. If more people tried it the world might actually be a happier place, people might share more love and end up in better relationships!

Anyway, tonight I decided I am not going to all others to dictate the way I feel. I am not going to alter my mood because people are afraid of their feelings. I have my feelings, I know and understand them and ok with that! However, my decision is not to be second best to someone’s lack of understanding (or acceptance) of their feelings. Like a good friend said to me this evening, I’m not gonna let any one piss in my papaya!

i'm LETTING GO

Since I remember I have been a reader, however while reading when something in the story makes me nervous I always turned to the last chapter to see how the story ends. I don’t know why I guess it just makes me feel better to know what the outcome will be.

Now the issue is that my childhood bad habit has transferred into my adult life! I NEED to know the end of MY story! I want to know where I will live, what job I will have, and most importantly THE MAN I WILL END UP WITH. I get frustrated that I don’t know the end of the story. But I NEED to LET GO AND LET GOD!

In speaking with a good friend of mine about this guy that I am deeply into, who clearly can not see my greatness, she told me. “If you think HE is great imagine how WONDERFUL the man that GOD has for you will be if you just LET GO!”

So this is my declaration that I am LETTING GO! I know what I want, I know what my heart yearns for BUT I am going to TRUST GOD! HIS ending will be greater then ANY ending I could write…..

My new GOSPEL ANTHEM “Let Go”……….

mommy you don't look like me any more

You want to know what really grinds my gears......this nations obsession with LOOKS!!!!! So as I was getting getting ready for work this morning I had the unfortunate experience of watching the news and hearing about a new children's book, "My Beautiful Mommy."

This book is written by a plastic surgeon as a way to explain to his patients children the process of plastic surgery. It features a perky mother explaining to her child why she’s having plastic surgery (a nose job and tummy tuck). Of course, the book has a wonderfully happy ending: mommy winds up “even more” beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

"My Beautiful Mommy” is targeted for children ages four to seven and helps them "understand" their mothers choice to have plastic surgery. In the book there is a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: “You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.” Mom comes home looking like a somewhat bruised Barbie doll with perfectly placed bandages on her nose and around her waist.

WHAT? Why in the world is that OK? It's one thing that people are not happy with their physical appearance but to explain to children early on in life that their mommy's are not beautiful unless they go under the knife is absurd! I understand that there are perfectly good reasons for some people to have plastic surgery however, I don't think is the way they need to learn about the nations obsession with beauty, as well as their mother unhappiness with her God given physical appearance.

What does this teach our daughters? Won't they get enough of that while growing up? What are we REALLY trying to teach our children? My Mommy is BEAUTIFUL! and she HONESTLY only gets more beautiful with age! It shows life experience and wisdom...I don't think my Mommy would be beautiful is she looked plastic of forever young. Are young looks all that matters? Where are we headed with the "educational process?" The next thing we will be having this conversation with the kids...

i WILL blog...i WILL blog

Let me take the time to introduce myself....my name is Kan...straight outa Queens, taking this time to live my Dreams. hahaha lol. Did you get that rhyme? I was just spitting for you a little! Obviously you can tell that is not my talent but I am feeling kinda silly right now!

Anyway I promised myself six, yes six-months ago that I was going to blog. So I started this page and did what I usually do. I lost enthusiasm! I got bored and sidetracked doing something else. However, my new week resolution is to "Stick to It!" What is "it" you ask? Honestly, "it" is everything! I NEVER stick to anything! That's sad! But here goes! I'm going to stick to this! My Blog, my Thoughts, my opinions of the asinine occurrences that happen on the daily.

So, hello! I'm Kanita and I am a self proclaimed blogger!